What am I thinking?!

Have you ever felt that you just want to run away...hide away from everything and everybody?!...I so wanna run away!! I wish I would not let people in my heart so easy...I wish..this pain...heartache to stooop!..I feel so guilty..I hurt people so easy...and i didn't even realize...what to do!?but..what did i do wrong? Which way am i going?! up or down..!?
My eyes are not even tearing, my heart it stopped, my eyes can't see the way..and I hear just the noise of the silence...the noise of the ignorance, the noise of my own quietness. My heart is so empty!and oh I was so happy, somewhere up in the mountains...
..Now...I need God...and if feels like the clouds are so thick, and He can't hear me..!? I feel so lost...so confused...so needy!!!...Oh Lord..where are you now...!?!?..when i need You the most!...
I feel so numb....